we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
