so explain again why im purple
no
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
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dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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