Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
