She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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