Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
