Me too!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
