Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
