i will never coherently bang her
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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