I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
