i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
