I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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