So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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