You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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