Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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