Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
