You smell like stripper and shame
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
