I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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