What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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