so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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