I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
