i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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