Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
