Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Randomize
