dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
