I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
