it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
