In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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