I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
