I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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