R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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