God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize