I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
