My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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