And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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