Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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