I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Vodka?
Forever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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