i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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