the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
