If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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