I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber