I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
