After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.