so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.