i jhust puked up my retainher.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.