My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
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If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.