No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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