I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
