Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
