just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
