Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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