So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
