hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
