My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
