so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
