Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
