There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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