i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
