He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
