I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
