I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
