I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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