Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
