Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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