Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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