No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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