I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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