my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize