Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
