You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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