i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
