sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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