I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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