he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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