I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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