brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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