All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
