Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
