sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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