i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I supernannyed him into submission
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
