can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
