On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
be right there i have to get my cape
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
