Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
