Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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