My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
