I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
