I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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